Shirtless Men on Book Covers

I have been reading a lot of books with shirtless men on the covers. My son keeps telling me that they are sexist and I keep trying to explain that they are really great books where both genders are equally represented, but the covers are misleading.

He, of course, doesn't believe me and I was driving him and a friend and they both started talking about how their moms read these books with disgusting half naked men on then. He's 10, so it may take him a while, but the reality that I can't judge a book by its cover is becoming increasingly apparent to me as publishers work hard to get the books noticed.

I started reading a book by G. A. Aiken, who writes a series of books about dragons who also have a human form they use to interact with...well...humans.

When I picked up the first book I assumed I was going to be reading yet another book with two clear main characters who would predictably fall in love even though the heroine is feisty. A genre I enjoy, but had learned not to expect mush except, perhaps, great sex scenes.

What I got was a book that began with Anwyl the Bloody Queen leaving her military camp so that she could take a few soldiers on a secret mission. The soldiers she took were both female, one who is a dragon and one who is a kick-ass human.

These are not even the people the love story is about. So it took a while for me to figure out what was going on since she was clearly not going to follow what I had come to expect from fantasy/paranormal romance.

These books are the most gender neutral books I have ever read and I say that as a person with a Master's Degree in Women's and Gender Studies.

The male and female characters are equal. There is no discussion about why one gender should or should not do something and the women are kick-ass fierce even if they don't fight in combat. The men are just as fierce and the entire book is written with such good humor and camaraderie between the characters that I fall in love with each and every one of them.

I was reading scenes out loud to my 13-year-old daughter who asked if she could read them, which I had to think about since there is some graphic sex in them. But the reality is that she is already exposed to sexual situations in high school and the sex among equals in these books is exactly the type of sexual situations I would want her exposed to. The women never lay there waiting for the man to take control acting like they don't know their own bodies.

This author also writes a series of shifter books under Shelly Laurenston, which has the same amazing gender equality and character dynamics, but there is more discussion of inequality and societal limitations on characters since this takes place in an alternate version of our world. But all still amazing!

So while I thought I was going to write about the disservice the publishing industry does when they put cheesy covers on amazing books I just ended up telling you about the amazing books, which is really just better anyway.

Understanding Relationships Through Books

I read really quickly. This means that I go through a lot of books. I do, however, have some requirements for what I read and since right now I'm in a paranormal romance phase. I am using the following criteria: female author, strong protagonist, strong female characters and the romance needs to be an alpha finding an alpha. I firmly believe that people do best with someone whose personality is as strong as theirs. I don't want people to submit to me and I certainly don't want to submit to anyone else.

I am really impressed with Alpha with Alpha romance stories. As an alpha married to an alpha with Alpha children I find that reading these stories gives me the language to talk with my kids about how they need to look for someone with similar strength when looking for a partner.

If someone is a Beta then they are a poor Alpha partner because an Alpha should want an equal and not someone to subjugate. I do think that there are times when an Alpha can find a perfect match in an Omega, but that takes a special kind of Alpha.

As a parent I try to give my kids as many insights as I can in regards to social interaction. We are all Alpha Introverts and we don't often read social cues well, but we like to be in charge so that can be a huge challenge. We often misread people and come off as bossy or controlling, it's a real problem.

I find that while the stories are not uniformly good, the books I have found do have some great characters and they are what I use to try and figure out how people work and what I think is a good relationship.

I also find that the books where the female is equal to the male is a great way to think about the ways gender roles can change in society. There is often a group of people looking after one another so that children can come into a clan and not mean that the female is required to take on the main burden of child rearing. It hearkens back to the time of extended family without relying on biological family, but creating family.

It does seem that for relationships to stay strong between a bonded pair we need a better community for our kids and while this is a common conversation I am wondering if we are looking at this the wrong way around. We are particularly limited in the US due to the reality that our health insurance is tied to our employment  This generally requires that one person needs to have a job in the mainstream employment world, which means that they will not be able to be an equal caretaker of the children since their job does not come with the flexibility required to effectively co-parent.

I like the idea of the way lives are organized in many of the shifter worlds where people of the same clan live together and they share the joys of caring for each others' kids. I realize that this is not a world that I can realistically create within the mainstream of anything, but I like to think about this and how pieces might work and create effective change.

Moms and Fifty Shades of Grey

I've been thinking about this a lot and I think I finally understand why Fifty Shades of Grey has been so popular with mothers in the US. I still don’t understand the fascination with Twilight, but one can’t have everything.

Why are grown women so interested in submission and being dominated by a man? I've decided it has to do with vacations.

The old story is that when families go on vacation the kids and husband are often allowed to relax the mom is still the one who is responsible for everything. This is no longer the case with every family, but it seems that the families that stick to traditional gender roles disproportionately have moms who enjoy Fifty Shades of Grey.

These women are tired…worn out. Whether they work outside the home or are responsible for the kids and the home they need a break that they never get. The might get the opportunity to have a girls night out for a few hours or the luxury of a weekend away once a year, but that’s it.

The rest of the time they are responsible for EVERYTHING. They do all of the grocery shopping and most of the cooking and whatever the kids have for lunch is their responsibility. The husband may make breakfast one day on the weekend, which is supposed to make her elated even when she has cooked EVERY OTHER MEAL that week, with minimal appreciation.

So mom cooks and often works outside the home and is also supposed to make sure that all of the chores get done and the kids get the clothes they need, oh and the husband has underwear. She makes sure everyone gets to the doctor visits and is up to date on their shots. When she gets home from work she makes dinner and is after the kids to finish their homework.

When the dad gets home he gets to take a break or eat the dinner she has made and then gets fussy if she wants him to do the dishes.

So this is the story of many of the moms I know. This is their life. Then they read a book about a man who is in charge of everything, money isn’t a worry and it seems like a wonderful break from their reality.

While the erotica stories of submissives are varied the main point of a submissive is that they don’t need to or get to make any decisions. They are told what to wear and what to do. They get to have lots of sex and lots of orgasms, so they get spanked now and again, this is all just fantasy anyway.

And no decisions need to be made. They don’t need to think of which home repair should be addressed first, what color to paint the kitchen, whether the kids are getting too much screen time and enough green veggies, whether their husband will help out with stuff today…

I’m not saying that Fifty Shades of Grey is good, just that it fills a need. This is a book that allows women who have had little connection with porn to read something they find sexy and titillating, but without language they would find graphic and uncomfortable. And it allows them to live in a fantasy for a while. No one is going to read this series and go find a submissive contract to sign (well, one should never say no one but not many, certainly). This allows women to take flight in a world where money is never an issue, they get lots of easy orgasms and need to make few decisions.

They just get to sit back in a kneeling position and wait to hear what there are supposed to do next…HEAVEN.

Patricia Briggs and Rape

As a voracious consumer of paranormal paperbacks for the past several years, I have read quite a few of Patricia Briggs books and I have really enjoyed them. Mercy is a great character and I love how Briggs weaves the worlds of fae, vampires and shapeshifters together to create a very detailed and intriguing world.

I just wish she would stop relying on rape as a torture device or punishment for her characters. I have yet to read a book Briggs has written that does not at least touch on rape and often it is a focus. As a result I have had to limit my reading of her work.

This troubles me for many reasons; I think this reliance on the fear/threat of rape is lazy. There are many other forms of torture available, truly the human mind is rife with too many ideas, so she needs to come up with another trope. I now know that her characters have to watch out for rape or work through their trauma from past rape or sexual assault. I know that many women are sexually assaulted daily, but it really is not necessary over so many books.

The focus on rape makes the women seem stuck in their sex. It is difficult to be a strong, capable, fierce person when the focus is on the sexual trauma that can be inflicted on the heroine. It would work for me if there was some information to come out of the situations that would help survivors reading the books, but it just seems completely inevitable that in Briggs world every woman will be raped.

As a woman, I don’t like to be constantly reminded that behind every door there is a potential rapist. I am a survivor and I am strong, but I have had to deal with more crap in this world than sexual assault, Sexism for one.

So this is my plea…Please show us some other sides of women, Patricia Briggs. Your women are strong and can handle more variety than you are currently dishing out.

An Unusual Book

I began reading The Cry of The Icemark by Stuart Hill for no other reason than I found it while browsing in the library and I will read any book about a heroic young warrior queen. It is my kryptonite.

The book begins in a very conventional way. The land inhabited by Thirrin, the young teenage girl who is soon to be queen, is unremarkable in that it follows many fantasy novels set in a fantastic version of medieval Europe, but takes a turn in that women and men are equal.

This is remarkable enough since most young adult books featuring a young heroine take pains to show how this young woman must fight against the male dominated world to prove her worth. This world just assumes that girls and women are worthy and gets on with things.

The surprise came with the introduction of the invading army that is loosely based on the empire of ancient Rome, where women are not equal and are subjugated by the men. This Empire is governed solely by men with a steep hierarchy that relies on institutionalized slavery.

So I was really impressed with the juxtaposition of these two versions of society and intrigued that a young adult book was bringing these issues up to begin with.

This book continued to be intriguing with its blend of the traditional fantasy genre with werewolves, vampires, ghosts, witches and more. Garth Nix has blended some paranormal ideas into some of his books, but this is a much larger world with the paranormal creatures each living in their own monarchies and following medieval traditions.

 Hill then introduces the reader to the Hypolitan people who are ruled by a matriarchy and their men are allowed to be members of their military but are limited to the lower ranks.

I have never seen this done before and I am quite surprised. To blend these various societal structures into one book while showing the reader why the gender neutral world is an ideal structure for all of its citizens is truly unique. Hill also delves in to the ideas of unequal societal structures based on wealth and status where the poor are often hungry and the wealthy live in luxury.

This novel is part one in a series that was widely popular in the UK with limited reach in the United States, unfortunately, but can be found in US libraries. It is no longer in print in the US, but can be found used on Amazon.

Apple Needs Better Quality Control

This is really just a venting of my frustration with Apple, so please skip this and read one of my more worthwhile posts.

I have an iPhone and had you asked me a few months after I bought my iPhone what I thought of Apple I would have said words like...revolutionary, delightful, functional, beautiful design.

I even bought a new iPhone when my first iPhone gave up the ghost. I was so happy to have a phone that was functional. I loved that I could synch my calendars, music and contacts. I even answered it when my husband called, much to his amazement.

I was using my iPhone as am MP3 player when I went running and while it was cumbersome, I enjoyed that I could easily switch between phone and music. I then started jogging at home on my treadmill and the iPhone was not as practical anymore so I decided to get a Shuffle.

So the point of this rant is that I am now on my 4th Shuffle...in less than a year. Apple has exchanges them all, so I should just suck it up, but it seems like when I buy something it should work for a few years. I know that is crazy talk...but really Apple.

So now I need to find another music player so that I can transfer all of my stuff off of iTunes...I am buying a Windows phone and getting on with my life.

I'm Not Dead!

I have been sick for a while so I took a LONG break from blogging, but I am back up and running! WOOT! I don't feel like going into the details here, but suffice to say that doctors are a crafty lot and it is difficult to find one to properly diagnose someone who has unexpected symptoms and does not fit in a book. FINALLY a wonderful friend of mine dragged me to a different city to visit her old doctor who looked at me and diagnosed me on the spot with blood tests to confirm that I had more wrong that he initially suspected. So a surgery later and I am back into fighting form.